Friday, November 29, 2013

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade 2013 Two Strikes...

Toro Inoue and Brigitte host Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parades.
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(A leaf logo appears with the words "The 4Tst Annual Fall Float Parade".)

ANNOUNCER: We now return to the firty-tirst annual fall float parade.

(Cut to Toro Inoue and Brigitte wearing scarves and earmuffs. Brigitte is holding a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and is glaring at Toro Inoue. Generic marching-style music is playing in the background.)

Toro Inoue: Okay, den, welcome back. First, please allow me to apologize to my co-host, here, for any inapprapriate comments I may have made while we was at commercial.

Brigitte: (nearly under her breath) That's two strikes, Toro!

Toro Inoue: Yes, yes, what fun!

Brigitte: (suddenly cheerful) So, next up is good old Eddy.

Toro Inoue: Yes, good old my favorite type o' guy who I'm just all the time hangin' around and doin' stuff with, Eddy!

(Cut to Eddy on a giant float with the words "COACH Z, YOU JERK" written on a model rainbow, next to a model of Coach Z's head with a no symbol over it. There is a banner hanging on the float that reads, "Happy Thanksgiving!!")

EDDY: (through a megaphone) Coach Z, you jerk!

Brigitte: (surprised; almost sympathetic) Ohhh.

EDDY: Coach Z, you jerk!

Toro Inoue: Oh, I see then...

EDDY: Coach Z—

Toro Inoue: That's very—

EDDY: (with more emphasis than before) —you jerk!

Toro Inoue: —over.

(Cut to a close-up of a giant balloon in the likeness of Pom Pom.)


Toro Inoue: Oh, now here's somethin' that doesn't appear to be makin' fun of me. It's the Pom Pom balloon!

Brigitte: That's "Pom Pom balloon" for those of you who don't speak Toro. Always a hit with the ladies, that Ratchet.

(Cut to a wide-shot with the Pom Pom balloon being led offscreen by Ratchet. A pair of fez-wearing Pip and Pop are coming in behind the balloon driving miniature red cars.)

Brigitte: And never a hit with anyone, it's Pip! Oh, and there's Pop.

Pip and Pop: (both of them in unison) Let's sing a song of Pennzoil!


(A new float enters the frame behind the two Pip and Pop. This float has a big pile of sweatshirts in the center, a giant shooting star on the front, and a bee suspended by a giant spring on the back. "SWE ATSHIRTS" is printed on the base of the float. Parappa the Rapper is buried in the pile of sweatshirts with only his head visible.)

Toro Inoue: Oh, now this is just adorable. Parappa the Rapper's sweatshirt float.

Brigitte: (referring to the noticeable space in the float's wording) Looks more like a "swee-atshirt" float to me.

Toro Inoue: You say tomater, I zader matermorts.

(Cut to a close-up of Parappa buried in the pile of sweatshirts.)


Parappa the Rapper: Brigitte, help! I woke up in this pile of swee-atshirts and I don't know how to stop it! I'm s'posed to be watching Bubs' concession stand while he's in some ridiculous parade! (looks down) And I'm pretty sure a rat just bit my knee.

Brigitte: Oh, that's great, sweetie. Say hi to that bee for me.

Parappa the Rapper: (annoyed) Hi, bee.

(Cut back to the wide shot. Sackboy walks into the frame carrying Bubs' Concession Stand, which has clearly been ripped out of the ground recently, as there are missing bricks and bits of sod still hanging from the bottom.)

Toro Inoue: Well, it looks like Bubs has come to his senses and entered a proper float in the parade. 'Attaboy, Bubs!

Brigitte: I'm pretty sure that's just Sackboy absconding with Bubs' Concession Stand.

Toro Inoue: Oh. Serves him right, then.


(Cut back to Toro Inoue and Brigitte.) Toro Inoue: Oh, and here comes one of my favorites: the K.O.T.H.S. Junior Varsity Marching Band! (Cut back to the parade. The band enters, made up of The King of Town waving Bloo's shovel like a drum major's mace, Bloo playing cymbals, Roxy blowing her horn, and Burrows playing a bass drum. The band comes to a halt. Cut to a close up of The King of Town.)


The King of Town: A-break it down for me, fell-as!

(Cut to a wide shot of the band again. They face the camera and resume playing, now in a dance beat.)

Toro Inoue: Oh, yeah! I'm feeling this! One two three four, one two three four, keep it "flond"! Listen to me cause form, he's got it goin' on!

(Cut to a close-up of Toro Inoue as he continues.)

Toro Inoue: I'm a pretty nice guy with fairly good teeth! C'mon, watch me—

Brigitte: (breaking into the frame) No more free-styling. It's really annoying.

(Cut back to the parade route. A new float enters. Split Kit is on the float standing between two snowmen and beating them with nunchucks. The base of the float, which appears to be a mattress on a wagon, reads: "Celebrating 04 Glorious Seconds of Nunchucking Snowmen." The "04" is a digital sign that counts up as the scene continues.)

Toro Inoue: Ah, and here's Split Kit's annual not-even-remotely-fall-related float.

Brigitte: Is it just me, or does one of those snowmen look suspiciously like Fluttershy?

Toro Inoue: Nah, Fluttershy's yellow.

(Cut to a close-up of Split Kit and the snowman on the left, who is in fact Fluttershy. He spits out the carrot that had been in his mouth.)


Fluttershy: Ptooey! Kit, I thought you said our float was going to be "Celebrating Our Nation's Covered Bridges!"

Split Kit: No, I said our float was going to be "Sticking-You-in-a-Fake-Snowman-and-Beating-You-Senseless-With-Nunchucks... Covered Bridges."

Fluttershy: Well, how on earth did I misunderstand all that?

Split Kit: I don't know, man. You hear the words "covered bridges" and you just go into a trance.

Fluttershy: (eyes widen as he goes into a trance) Ohhh, covered bridges...

(Fluttershy starts moaning, but snaps out of it when Split Kit resumes beating him with the nunchucks. A looming shadow crawls across the scene and ominous music plays.)

Brigitte: And, as always...

(Cut to a close-up of a giant balloon in the shape of Marshie.)

Brigitte: ...bringing up the rear, it's the Marshie balloon!

Toro Inoue: Man, that thing has got to frighten some children!

Brigitte: Is anyone guiding that balloon?

(Ominous music plays again as the camera pans down and Sweetie Belle can be seen hanging from one of the balloon ropes, clearly not in control of the balloon.)

Sweetie Belle: Help Me!!!!!


(Cut to a wide shot of the platform Toro Inoue and Brigitte are standing on.)

Brigitte: Run for your lives!

(The Marshie balloon collides with the platform, knocking Toro Inoue and Brigitte off.)

Toro Inoue: Argh! I regret everything!

(The television signal cuts out as the platform collapses. It is quickly replaced by a technical difficulty screen with a turkey not knowing what to do with a plug. The caption at the top reads "Pardon our problems..." and "The End" appears at the bottom.)

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